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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
is battling with eyelids
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?