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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.