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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Walmart needs observation decks.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.