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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.