Daily Silly Status

I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.

I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?

Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.

I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.

If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?

I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.

Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.

OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!

My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".

I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.

The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.

In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!