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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.