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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.