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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.