Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.