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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?