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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Does "who cares" count as advice?
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face