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Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway