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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>