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I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.