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Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
My life is based on a true story
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?