Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
My mom says I`m special.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.