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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.