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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!