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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.