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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.