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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because thereβs a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikesβ¦β¦how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.