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I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands