Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.