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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes