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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".