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Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.