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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs