Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?