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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.