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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!