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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Hold boobs not grudges.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.