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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "