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I drink to make other people interesting.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole