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Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.