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Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.