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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.