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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
That`s not how I met your mother.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.