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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."