Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......