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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
My brain has too many tabs open.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.