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Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99