Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.