Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?