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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?