Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"