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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.