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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you