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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
sleep is for people without netflix
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.