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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.