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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.