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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!