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For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.