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Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.