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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.