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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!