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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360