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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I just awesomed all over the place.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice