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Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
awesome collection!