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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".