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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!