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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
It’s a status….not your diary…
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)