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Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.