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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?