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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
Keep calm and drink on.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
How`d this get posted?