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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
when in Rome get naked ;)