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Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.