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Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.