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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.