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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.