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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...