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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!