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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?