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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.