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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Exercise? More like extra fries.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
They say women only use 10% of their anger
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?