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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.