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Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.