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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
why do i feel like you are reading this
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.