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A wise man once said nothing.
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one