Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.