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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.