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I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.