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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"