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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.