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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.