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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
If you ever disappeared while hiking, Iād remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.