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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?