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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.