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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I need a partner in wine.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.