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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.