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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.