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Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!