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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Is there another word for synonym?
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.