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Before the internet I used to like people.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"