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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.